Your son needs to learn how to take care of himself and manage his relationships with people, even if theyre not family members. Another sign of an unhealthy relationship is when the son feels like he cant express himself freely to his mother. (Source: Healthline). A study of more than 1,000 mothers estranged from their adult children found that nearly 80% believed that an ex-husband or their son- or daughter-in-law had turned their children against them. Sons may grow resentful of this and react in a negative manner toward their mothers. (If youd like more on Jordan Peterson and his perspective on lifes issues, his latest book, Beyond Order: 12 More Rules for Life is now available at Amazon.) Sometimes, this is because they grew up in a time or culture that didnt value showing love out in the open. They do not want their sons to see them as weak or imperfect. The one emotion boys are allowed to show? The overly controlling mother This form of parenting is seen quite often in mother-daughter relationships. However, for sons, their negative relationship with their mother more often had ripple effects to break down other relationships. And i guarantee you that nothing hurts as much as a destroyed relationship between you and your mother. However, there are some points that mothers need to keep in mind so that they do not make their sons resent them later on. A son is a lot like a reflection of you. This can be evidenced by the son constantly seeking approval from his mother or always feeling like he has to live up to her expectations. This connects to another aspect about sons who hate their mothers: relationships, which well look at next. These forums are designed as safe spaces where parents can ask questions and get helpful feedback without fear of judgment or criticism. Not showing her love or affection as a mother. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'littleninjaparenting_com-sky-3','ezslot_24',116,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-littleninjaparenting_com-sky-3-0'); In conclusion, there are often many underlying and connecting issues that lead to sons hating their mothers. Is it really possible for sons to hate their mothers and if so, what do we need to know about this?if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[320,50],'littleninjaparenting_com-medrectangle-3','ezslot_4',105,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-littleninjaparenting_com-medrectangle-3-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[320,50],'littleninjaparenting_com-medrectangle-3','ezslot_5',105,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-littleninjaparenting_com-medrectangle-3-0_1');.medrectangle-3-multi-105{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:7px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:7px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:50px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}. This can be very frustrating for the son because he does not have a chance to express his feelings to his mother. In normal conditions, this shift in the parent-child relationship does not lead to sons hating their mothers.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'littleninjaparenting_com-leader-2','ezslot_13',111,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-littleninjaparenting_com-leader-2-0'); Sons who hate their mothers may end up having a hard time developing and maintaining their own relationships as they grow into adulthood. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'littleninjaparenting_com-mobile-leaderboard-2','ezslot_17',156,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-littleninjaparenting_com-mobile-leaderboard-2-0'); If a son already has animosity towards his mother from childhood, this will worsen in adulthood. 6. Dont try so hard to keep tabs on what hes doing or who hes hanging out with; instead, let him go out into the world and find his own way through life. He sees how you react to situations and learns from your example. If it does not resolve, it can feel like a death. It is no secret that the relationship between a mother and her son is an important one. He may also feel that she is too controlling in how she handles his life, which can make him feel suffocated by his mother. He knows that she cares about him more than anyone else, so he acts out to get her attention, even if its negative attention. Mothers are often the first person to love you, care for you, and to show you what it means to be a parent. Read on as we explore the issue of sons who mistreat their mothers, why sons behave this way, what it does to their mothers, and what mothers can do about it. This is a complex situation of factors ranging from neglectful parenting to early childhood attachment problems to mental illness. Sons in these relationships will feel obligated to help their mothers through their problems and issues constantly. They are toxic people and you can't change them. Its also important to talk to him about his feelings and how it makes him feel when you ask certain things of him. The sons actions can include: Sons who treat their mothers poorly arent just hurting themselves. When youre a mother, it can be hard to know what to do when your son treats you poorly. 6 Ways To Keep The Zen! She is a former public school teacher of 18 years, licensed in 3 states and certified to teach elementary, secondary English, and English Language Learners. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future. Parents who have been alienated by those they raised. They feel theyve been pushed aside and want to make it known that theyre still important in their mothers life. . Adult children learn by watching us, so if they see us making mistakes, then its natural for them to think that doing the same thing would be okay too! She bad-mouths her sons girlfriend or spouse. The son may have felt abandoned by his mother or that the mother was uninterested in him. This will also teach him how to make good choices and give him confidence in his abilities as well as his independence from you. If your mom knew or heard step dad's comments and didn't try to stop him, she is abusive too. Some young men will be influenced by their peers or even older family members and mistreat their mothers. Engages in horrific boundary-breaking. Heres common reasons why. Mother-son relationships can be complicated, and the specifics of a dysfunctional one vary widely. Their mothers are over-involved in their lives. A mother who crosses boundaries will inevitably have a son who will grow up to cut off contact with her. This can include things like son talking poorly, being disrespectful or rude, and even acting out violently towards you. These sons also seem to portray a sense of avoidance when it comes to the nosy mother. If they've never owned their bad behavior, then it's never going to stop. Make no mistake about it, abuse does not have to be physical. There are a few things to keep in mind when trying to communicate effectively with your son. Its important to set healthy boundaries when it comes to parent-child relationships. How Long Should You Know Someone Before Asking Them Out? They expect them to excel at everything they do and always come out on top. Many times, a son will hate his mother because she is continually crossing boundaries, criticizing, and disrespecting his choices. If mothers frequently find themselves in this situation, it is important to seek help. Heres how to set boundaries for your in-laws, depositphotos.com/stock-photo-parents-talking-son-bench-park, Why Does God Remove Someone from Your Life? 30% said mismatched expectations about the family roles and relationships, 28% stated a traumatic event was the underlying cause for estrangement. If possible, schedule the meeting in the evening or on a weekend. But if you notice that she never has anything interesting to say when she calls, that could signify that shes missing something in her life besides being your mom. The children from mothers who were avoidant, anxious, or ambivalent did not rely on their mothers for support. A son may feel like his mother doesnt trust him and that she thinks hes incompetent. If a mother cannot let her son live his own life and continues to stick her nose in where it does not belong, a hateful son may distance himself from her permanently. You can find it in a million memes, It's reiterated in personal essays from women who say their worst relationships were with men who yelled at their moms . Control is also evident when mothers make decisions for their children without consulting them first. A son whose mother is constantly prying may end up being constantly angry with his interfering parent. 5. Some sons are jealous of their mothers relationship with their spouse. Here are five of the most common reasons sons treat their mothers poorly. If you believe your mother is treating you differently because she sees you as more masculine than feminine. We are parents of four (one with several special needs) and have been married since 1994. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'littleninjaparenting_com-leader-3','ezslot_14',154,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-littleninjaparenting_com-leader-3-0'); One of the main reasons a son will hate his controlling mother is because of the guilt she constantly makes him feel. The relationship between a mother and her son can be a solid one. Read More: How To Get Kids To Do Chores Without Nagging? If your son has experienced any kind of childhood trauma, it can lead to emotional and behavioral issues that will often be taken out on you. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'littleninjaparenting_com-netboard-2','ezslot_21',115,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-littleninjaparenting_com-netboard-2-0'); Narcissistic Personality Disorder: People with NPD are rude, self-centered, demanding, and feel superior to all others, including their parents. I cant imagine my sons hating me, but Im sure neither can most moms. Peterson attributes the mothers fear of losing her son as a reason for her controlling behavior to manifest itself-to avoid or try to avoid her son leaving her. Dr.Timothy Legg says that if youre not willing to sacrifice the relationship, then you must modify your behavior in relation to the behavior of the person with NPD. And to do this successfully usually requires regular and consistent therapy involving all stakeholders, if possible: the son, the mother, and the father. Treating her with disrespect or contempt. This is usually tied to the mothers personal loneliness. This can be a result of the mother feeling insecure in her own relationship with her son, or feeling like shes not getting enough attention from him. Here are six signs of an unhealthy mother-son relationship: 1. Parents must understand the difference between these two scenarios so that they can take steps toward having a healthy relationship with their son if necessary and move past any problems that might arise between them in the future. When he comes home from school, dont just ask him what happened todayask him how he feels about it. Check out our Have A Peaceful Home Without Yelling video course here. Related Heres how to set boundaries for your in-laws. The mother is overbearing and controlling. Another way to communicate effectively is to make sure that you are on the same page with your son. 2. Why are some sons so mean to their mothers? Much of what they describe, while conflict-laden and uncomfortable, doesn't seem bad enough . If she just calls you up to talk about how youre doing in school or your plans for the weekend, it might seem like she only cares about making sure youre happy and healthy. This is especially true in sons who have Borderline Personality Disorder or Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Everyone needs to recognize that this does not mean that a son does not love his mother. Yet, some also say its because of something more covert such as a slyly, manipulative mother. A mother may wonder how her son could hate her after she gave birth to him. Many sons treat their mothers poorly and make their life miserable. This can lead to feelings of loneliness and isolation. Listening will help you understand where hes coming from and how he feels about things. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'littleninjaparenting_com-leader-1','ezslot_10',109,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-littleninjaparenting_com-leader-1-0'); The relationship between a mother and son is extremely important to a males upbringing, just as the father-son relationship is. But mothers shouldnt expect an immediate change in their sons behavior after sending the letter. Required fields are marked *. A distant mother-son relationship is one in which there is little emotional closeness or intimacy. If you must give criticism, do so constructively and without belittling your son. If you think this is the reason your son is treating you badly, its important to take a step back and reassess how you interact with your son, and make sure youre not smothering him or overstepping boundaries. 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